hey everyone how you guys are doing?

as for me a lot has happened I know I haven’t been on as much as I usto but I will be coming back this week a podcast will be posted also I have been going through a lot of changes in life I am now single and I am back to being a single mother of three also my knitting mojo has gone down the hill but I will be back it has been real bad but adjusting to the change has been hard on me but I will rise again is just hard because after nine years I never thought we would split I thought I was good and that I had it all with him and boy was I wrong I cant believe the changes he maid and where things ended I honestly can say that I did love him to the max and I gave 125% of me my love was loyal unconditional and the trust was always there now he never cheated on me guys but he took the wrong path he decided to be in a gang after so many years of us being together and boy did that change him for the worst now he saw me as the target he would come home and take things out on me if things went wrong with him at his job or where ever he was I was the target also drinking was another habit he picked up as well witch didn’t do us no justice his behavior got worst with me and he no longer respect me as his wife or his women to him I was like the rest the words he would tell while he was drunk was very hurtful and he didn’t care about my feelings I decided to let him go this time one because my kids did not deserve to be brought up in an environment like this and two because I no longer believe he would change I also try to help him get into a program so that he can come out of the alcohol and so that he can seek help mentally and that was a waist of my time I was always there for him regardless of what the situation was because I was his wife his ride or die chick but he got lost in the streets I lost the luv of my life in the streets I try everything to keep my family together but it didn’t work I was no longer the luv of his life I was a target for him to pick on when ever he wanted to boy was I hurt these past few weeks still hard to get used to the changes of my home and not seeing him in the house has really destroy me deep inside another thing when I got with him I decided to settle and I was young when we got together I was pregnant with twin girls and I had my son already but that’s when I decided I wanted to change my lifestyle and grow up I guess it was time also I was having girls so yeah I have to change for my girls so I didn’t want no more games or drama and I told him and he was with it he wanted to be with me since high school so he said and well yeah nine years later he decides to get into a gang and become a bum yeah drinking and now he considers them family and not me he forgot about us he abandon us he said that I no longer matter that he has his people and that’s all he needs wao isn’t this crazy guys he had a family a home a good women and he threw it all away I cant believe this I was always there for him not even his family was ever there for him but he is an idiot im just shock and trying to move forward but I am not ready for commitment nor a relationship I am scared of all that subject I had settle I thought I had a great family but I was wrong so I am the one that did the majority of the things at home but is ok I will keep living and I will get back crafting and thensome I promise my kids have me and they will always have me in their life is time for me to take a moment to myself and reflect on what has happened and move forward in my life but I tell you one thing  it is not easy I just don’t see myself with another men if its not him he is the love of my life but I am not his I see it but I just wonder where did that amaizing men I met years ago go he was so loving and he always maid sure I was ok and the kids but for the past two years things change and they change for the worst and so I couldn’t take the bullshit no more I had enough of him mistreating me and of him bad mouthing me every where he even put my personal sickness out on social media I cant believe he would do this to me the person that was my everything doing these things to me we was engaged two where did it all go wrong like I am lost and I swear I cant with all this that has happened I just I see it because I am living it but if I was to hear someone saying what I am telling you but if not people wouldn’t believe it because of the way he was with me no one would’ve thought this would ever happened I mean I still think is a night mare I am living but no is my reality the men I thought was my everything is the men that destroy our family

 

so here is what I have dealing with and the reason why I haven’t been posting here or in my other social media

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